I dreamed a dream.

I had a dream the other night about the guy I'm interested in. No real surprise there I guess. We were getting into a car, going I don't know where. As we sat into the car, he says, "So, I hear you have a thing for me...." I get so nervous and flustered in the dream that I wake up immediately.

Even subconsciously, I have no idea whether this guy likes me at all. It sucks.

I should probably just assume he's not interested, simply because I have such a track record for only being into guys that are entirely unavailable. The few "relationships" I've been in (notice the quotation marks around that word- I don't even know if it really applies) have been with guys who kinda pushed me into it in one way or another.

My first "boyfriend" was John. I was in 7th grade and he was a neighbor, or would be when we finally built the house. We were taking tennis lessons together with Justin, another neighbor. One day after a lesson, Justin had left and John and I were talking. He asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. Less than half an hour later, he kisses me. It was my first kiss and a French kiss. I was completely grossed out by having someone else's tongue in my mouth that I kinda ran away. So, I my first boyfriend lasted half an hour.

After that, I didn't have anyone ask me out again until college. Bill.

I was working at a sales job, and while I was technically an assistant manager, I was really just another sales rep. I just got to help train the newbies. Bill was a sales rep too, and I don't really remember how we first got together. I know I was definitely thinking about quitting before we got together, but I didn't do it until after. The manager accused me of quitting because of Bill. It was probably a catalyst though if I'm honest. Bill and I were together almost a month when I found out that apparently I was the other woman. He was cheating on someone else with me!!! And we hadn't even slept together!!

The next guy I dated was Andrew. I actually really liked Andrew, and I'm not really sure why we ended. We had spent the last semester of college in the same finance class. Now, this was supposed to be a hard class. Apparently it has a 60% fail rate nationwide. Andrew and I spent at least half the semester trying to one-up each other in getting the right answer faster. We were both smart and a little prideful about it. The day of graduation, I was a little annoyed that he had never asked for my number even, but before the ceremony, he came over and we talked a bit, bantering, and I invited him to my graduation party. My parents were putting it on and it was mostly so I could score gifts. (I got enough cash to cover a new apple laptop.) He came. Not til late, but still! Andrew and I dated almost a month before he stopped calling. I probably rushed it a bit: I had invited him over for dinner a few times with my parents, but he was calling me every day. We saw each other almost every day. Then he simply stopped calling.

1 comment:

Rob Swingle said...

Okay. Here's the deal. Just ASK. If he isn't, then you're no better or worse than you were before. But at least least you know. If he is, he'd probably be happy to know that you are and then the two of you can get on with it without any more of this angst. It's really not that difficult. Just. ASK.