I dreamed a dream.

I had a dream the other night about the guy I'm interested in. No real surprise there I guess. We were getting into a car, going I don't know where. As we sat into the car, he says, "So, I hear you have a thing for me...." I get so nervous and flustered in the dream that I wake up immediately.

Even subconsciously, I have no idea whether this guy likes me at all. It sucks.

I should probably just assume he's not interested, simply because I have such a track record for only being into guys that are entirely unavailable. The few "relationships" I've been in (notice the quotation marks around that word- I don't even know if it really applies) have been with guys who kinda pushed me into it in one way or another.

My first "boyfriend" was John. I was in 7th grade and he was a neighbor, or would be when we finally built the house. We were taking tennis lessons together with Justin, another neighbor. One day after a lesson, Justin had left and John and I were talking. He asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. Less than half an hour later, he kisses me. It was my first kiss and a French kiss. I was completely grossed out by having someone else's tongue in my mouth that I kinda ran away. So, I my first boyfriend lasted half an hour.

After that, I didn't have anyone ask me out again until college. Bill.

I was working at a sales job, and while I was technically an assistant manager, I was really just another sales rep. I just got to help train the newbies. Bill was a sales rep too, and I don't really remember how we first got together. I know I was definitely thinking about quitting before we got together, but I didn't do it until after. The manager accused me of quitting because of Bill. It was probably a catalyst though if I'm honest. Bill and I were together almost a month when I found out that apparently I was the other woman. He was cheating on someone else with me!!! And we hadn't even slept together!!

The next guy I dated was Andrew. I actually really liked Andrew, and I'm not really sure why we ended. We had spent the last semester of college in the same finance class. Now, this was supposed to be a hard class. Apparently it has a 60% fail rate nationwide. Andrew and I spent at least half the semester trying to one-up each other in getting the right answer faster. We were both smart and a little prideful about it. The day of graduation, I was a little annoyed that he had never asked for my number even, but before the ceremony, he came over and we talked a bit, bantering, and I invited him to my graduation party. My parents were putting it on and it was mostly so I could score gifts. (I got enough cash to cover a new apple laptop.) He came. Not til late, but still! Andrew and I dated almost a month before he stopped calling. I probably rushed it a bit: I had invited him over for dinner a few times with my parents, but he was calling me every day. We saw each other almost every day. Then he simply stopped calling.



Today is a completely gorgeous day.

It's sunny, maybe 75 out, and mostly clear. This is LA after all, so there's almost ALWAYS a layer of smog lingering.

Yesterday was the same kind of gorgeous, and I spent pretty much the whole day inside, on my computer, editing the photos I took at my cousin's wedding. It kinda sucked. But it's all good, because I should finish the photos tomorrow, and get them posted for her by Tuesday.

Thursday, I'm going to this mega-summit that my church is doing. I fly to Texas at 6am, to join 17,000 of my fellow disciples. It's going to be a completely amazing time.

The thing I am most stressed about right now is the fact that I am completely broke. I'm actually in debt, which is a totally new experience for me. I'm not used to this, and I'm not even really sure how it happened. I guess I was just living beyond my means. I know at least a good chunk of it comes from the fact that I didn't save enough of my winnings from the Price is Right to pay taxes on what I won. But that's not even all of what I owe. I don't know how I managed to spend that much.

I know this is bad of me, but I always used to get pretty superior feeling when people were in debt. I never really understood how people can live beyond their means by THAT much. I still don't understand how people get tens of thousands of dollars in debt. Since realizing that I owe a lot more on my credit card than I can pay at the moment, I have all but stopped spending money except on the most necessary of things: gas, oil for my car, occasional food needs. But even then, I haven't bought groceries in a couple weeks, eating only what in my fridge and freezer. I bought some hummus at the farmers market on Thursday and felt guilty about it.

I improvised a tomato cream curry the other night in my slow cooker. The flavor is really good, but I added quinoa to it. It would have been fine, if only I had just put the quinoa in at the end, but I put it in at the beginning and it got mushy. I didn't know quinoa could get mushy. But!! I'm going to eat it anyway because it's what I have. I'm going to have to freeze it because it's a lot.

I've also been fasting from sugar the last week. This started out hard because I'm always putting honey in my tea, and I made cookies for a bake sale last Sunday. I started drinking my tea with honey, and discovered that I actually like it that way. Especially since I don't drink it as quickly.

The other cool thing that's going on is that I'm planning a date. I want to start planning these large-scale blind dates on a bi-monthly basis. I've already got 8 or 10 guys coming to it, and several more are check on their schedules, so I'm super excited. Its going to be a picnic/ museum date. All the girls will pack picnics in bags or baskets or whatever. The guys will each choose a basket without knowing which sister it belongs to, and that will be how the first half of the date is set up. The brothers will each bring a bracelet, necklace or something pretty, and the girls will each choose a gift, and that will be how the second half of the date is set up. So each person will have 2 dates over the course of a couple hours, and it should be a LOT of fun. I'm encouraged just thinking about doing this. :)

Then there's the car issues. I keep bouncing around in my head of what I want to do. I want to get a new car, but I don't know if I can afford to. I need to repair Lizzy (the 95 Oldsmobile that my mom bought when I was 12, that I learned how to drive in), but again, that's expensive. A good chunk of me wants to sell Lizzy and buy a smart car or a scooter. The smart cars are awesome because they're only $99/month IF you can find a base model somewhere (no one seems to actually carry it), but even the next model up is only like $139/month. Or I could probably get a scooter for around what I sell this beast for. But then what do I do if it rains? Questions, questions....

I suppose I'll figure it out eventually.