The Joys of Temp Work

One of the things I love and hate about temp jobs, is that much of my time is downtime. I often have tons of free time to spend doing, pretty much whatever I want, as long as I still perform the functions that I have been hired to fulfill.  For example, today, I am working at an advertising agency, in their reception area. I'm simply a greeter, and my function it purely to greet people as they enter, register guests, and notify the person he is visiting of his arrival.  Carl, the guy who is "supervising" me, has said that as today is Friday, it will likely be a very slow day. Especially since it is a completely gorgeous day.

This puts me in a position to finally go through the almost 100 new emails I have sitting in my inbox. I also have time to write a blog today, which I haven't done in weeks.  I can also work on my application for the farm internship that I'm applying for, and continue to submit to acting jobs.  I'll probably end up on Facebook for a chunk of the day later, and eventually on I can haz Cheezburger. I might be productive and start a write-up on this new dating service that I'm thinking of starting, or I might wind up ogling electric cars.

There are a myriad of things I might do today, just so long as I can do them from the comfort of this seat.

Not all temp jobs are like this though. I really do need to clarify that. I was on a job for 8 weeks where it was actually a job. They spent the first two days while I was there training me to do all the various aspects of the job. And while they were individually all very simple, there were certainly a lot of them.

Question of the Day: What do you do in your downtime at work?


I dreamed a dream.

I had a dream the other night about the guy I'm interested in. No real surprise there I guess. We were getting into a car, going I don't know where. As we sat into the car, he says, "So, I hear you have a thing for me...." I get so nervous and flustered in the dream that I wake up immediately.

Even subconsciously, I have no idea whether this guy likes me at all. It sucks.

I should probably just assume he's not interested, simply because I have such a track record for only being into guys that are entirely unavailable. The few "relationships" I've been in (notice the quotation marks around that word- I don't even know if it really applies) have been with guys who kinda pushed me into it in one way or another.

My first "boyfriend" was John. I was in 7th grade and he was a neighbor, or would be when we finally built the house. We were taking tennis lessons together with Justin, another neighbor. One day after a lesson, Justin had left and John and I were talking. He asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. Less than half an hour later, he kisses me. It was my first kiss and a French kiss. I was completely grossed out by having someone else's tongue in my mouth that I kinda ran away. So, I my first boyfriend lasted half an hour.

After that, I didn't have anyone ask me out again until college. Bill.

I was working at a sales job, and while I was technically an assistant manager, I was really just another sales rep. I just got to help train the newbies. Bill was a sales rep too, and I don't really remember how we first got together. I know I was definitely thinking about quitting before we got together, but I didn't do it until after. The manager accused me of quitting because of Bill. It was probably a catalyst though if I'm honest. Bill and I were together almost a month when I found out that apparently I was the other woman. He was cheating on someone else with me!!! And we hadn't even slept together!!

The next guy I dated was Andrew. I actually really liked Andrew, and I'm not really sure why we ended. We had spent the last semester of college in the same finance class. Now, this was supposed to be a hard class. Apparently it has a 60% fail rate nationwide. Andrew and I spent at least half the semester trying to one-up each other in getting the right answer faster. We were both smart and a little prideful about it. The day of graduation, I was a little annoyed that he had never asked for my number even, but before the ceremony, he came over and we talked a bit, bantering, and I invited him to my graduation party. My parents were putting it on and it was mostly so I could score gifts. (I got enough cash to cover a new apple laptop.) He came. Not til late, but still! Andrew and I dated almost a month before he stopped calling. I probably rushed it a bit: I had invited him over for dinner a few times with my parents, but he was calling me every day. We saw each other almost every day. Then he simply stopped calling.



Today is a completely gorgeous day.

It's sunny, maybe 75 out, and mostly clear. This is LA after all, so there's almost ALWAYS a layer of smog lingering.

Yesterday was the same kind of gorgeous, and I spent pretty much the whole day inside, on my computer, editing the photos I took at my cousin's wedding. It kinda sucked. But it's all good, because I should finish the photos tomorrow, and get them posted for her by Tuesday.

Thursday, I'm going to this mega-summit that my church is doing. I fly to Texas at 6am, to join 17,000 of my fellow disciples. It's going to be a completely amazing time.

The thing I am most stressed about right now is the fact that I am completely broke. I'm actually in debt, which is a totally new experience for me. I'm not used to this, and I'm not even really sure how it happened. I guess I was just living beyond my means. I know at least a good chunk of it comes from the fact that I didn't save enough of my winnings from the Price is Right to pay taxes on what I won. But that's not even all of what I owe. I don't know how I managed to spend that much.

I know this is bad of me, but I always used to get pretty superior feeling when people were in debt. I never really understood how people can live beyond their means by THAT much. I still don't understand how people get tens of thousands of dollars in debt. Since realizing that I owe a lot more on my credit card than I can pay at the moment, I have all but stopped spending money except on the most necessary of things: gas, oil for my car, occasional food needs. But even then, I haven't bought groceries in a couple weeks, eating only what in my fridge and freezer. I bought some hummus at the farmers market on Thursday and felt guilty about it.

I improvised a tomato cream curry the other night in my slow cooker. The flavor is really good, but I added quinoa to it. It would have been fine, if only I had just put the quinoa in at the end, but I put it in at the beginning and it got mushy. I didn't know quinoa could get mushy. But!! I'm going to eat it anyway because it's what I have. I'm going to have to freeze it because it's a lot.

I've also been fasting from sugar the last week. This started out hard because I'm always putting honey in my tea, and I made cookies for a bake sale last Sunday. I started drinking my tea with honey, and discovered that I actually like it that way. Especially since I don't drink it as quickly.

The other cool thing that's going on is that I'm planning a date. I want to start planning these large-scale blind dates on a bi-monthly basis. I've already got 8 or 10 guys coming to it, and several more are check on their schedules, so I'm super excited. Its going to be a picnic/ museum date. All the girls will pack picnics in bags or baskets or whatever. The guys will each choose a basket without knowing which sister it belongs to, and that will be how the first half of the date is set up. The brothers will each bring a bracelet, necklace or something pretty, and the girls will each choose a gift, and that will be how the second half of the date is set up. So each person will have 2 dates over the course of a couple hours, and it should be a LOT of fun. I'm encouraged just thinking about doing this. :)

Then there's the car issues. I keep bouncing around in my head of what I want to do. I want to get a new car, but I don't know if I can afford to. I need to repair Lizzy (the 95 Oldsmobile that my mom bought when I was 12, that I learned how to drive in), but again, that's expensive. A good chunk of me wants to sell Lizzy and buy a smart car or a scooter. The smart cars are awesome because they're only $99/month IF you can find a base model somewhere (no one seems to actually carry it), but even the next model up is only like $139/month. Or I could probably get a scooter for around what I sell this beast for. But then what do I do if it rains? Questions, questions....

I suppose I'll figure it out eventually.




Ok, so tomorrow is, in theory, my last day at this job. I am both happy and sad about this. I'm happy because I've missed auditions, I have to wake up at 6:15 everyday, and I'm not a big fan of working on offices. Also, I have more downtime than I'd like. I'm sad because I really like some of my co-workers, and being here this long has led me to feel kind of at home here. And the consistent pay is really nice.

Here's my big problem: I racked up a bit of a credit card bill in the last couple months. I won all that money last year, and I forgot to budget out how to pay the taxes on it. I wasn't planning on spending it all last year, but after I quit working at Tender Greens, I was in that accident, and work was a little thin on the ground. I think I only worked 4 days in the entire month of October. So I was living off that money.

I did manage to stop spending when I hit the bottom, but pesky Uncle Sam wanted his piece of my pie. So, while I have been working a lot more this year, it's still not quite enough to cover what I owe, especially since the taxes I DID pay last year (the stuff they take out automatically), didn't cover the whole thing. I'm used to getting a tax refund, and I owed more this year than I usually get refunded. It sucks.

I'm going to Texas next week for this huge International Summit that my church is doing. There's going to be 17000 disciples from all over the world, and I will be putting myself more in debt just to go, but it's totally worth it.

I'm supposed to be going to Yosemite the following week, and while I did pay for it already, I'm trying to get out of going, just to get that money back. I still WANT to go, but affording it is becoming a problem.

I am seriously going to be eating a lot of rice and beans in the coming months. Unless some awesome brothers take me out to dinner. :-p

Wants and Needs

Last night at church, we heard about contentment, being satisfied with where God has each of us right now.

Part of this lesson, and I'm not really sure what part, led me to have the urge to completely list out all of my wants and all of my needs. They're going to get completely jumbled together, so I'm not going to specify which is a 'Need' and which is a 'Want'.

If you think I'm pulling any punches, or being dishonest in ANY way, call me on it.
If you think I've left anything off this list, call me on it.
If you think I'm being silly or selfish or self-indulgent about any of it, keep it to yourself!

Here goes Gut-Level Honesty.

I want a man.
I want to get married and have at LEAST 2- 3kids, but I haven't decided how many I want yet.
I want a small wedding, so I don't have to pay a lot, but also so people I know would want to come, can't.
I want a man that makes me laugh, that thinks protecting the environment is important, who takes care of himself with exercise and eating well, but isn't necessarily obsessed with it. Someone who is into movies and TV shows, but isn't religious about it. Someone who not only WANTS to lead, but actually CAN. I don't say this to be disrespectful, but because I want someone who will make decisions, considering my feelings, but not feeling the need to consult me for everything.
I want someone I can talk to about EVERYTHING, from geek TV and movies, to exercise, to food, to God and spirituality, and my emotions.
I need someone both willing and able to ask me the questions that I don't want to think about. I need someone willing to fight for me, even (and especially) if that means fighting with me. Someone who can see my insecurity, but doesn't cater to it.
I want a best friend in my marriage.

I want the time and the money to truly write a blog.
I want to make it about food and gardening and my life.
I want people to actually read it.
I want to spend my time baking for people, and not have to worry about how to pay for the ingredients.
I want to make ice cream that isn't a slow acting poison.
I want people to really think about what they eat and why so much of it isn't really food.

I want to lose weight.
I want to be a size 6 again.
I want to have the time and energy and schedule availability to do yoga at least 3-4 days a week, and I don't want to have to drive to Santa Monica to do so.
I want an electric car.
I want easy parking everywhere.
I want another scooter.

I want to go to Italy and ride a Vespa through the streets of Rome.
I want to travel all over the world.

I need to learn how to Meditate, to calm my thoughts and let go of myself.

I want to not need money.
I want to get rid of most of my 'stuff' and live unencumbered.
I want to not need to be entertained.
I want to not be bored doing nothing.

I want to be satisfied with where I am.
I want to be satisfied with WHO I am.

I want to be comfortable in my own skin.
I don't want to be so critical and unforgiving of myself.

I want to not be scared to tell people when they've hurt me or let me down, or to give them correction.
I want to not fear rejection with every shred of my being.
I want to not feel like I'm going to cry right now.
I want to be able to cry without fear of being judged because that's not appropriate right now.

I want to be able to embrace my emotions rather than stomping down on them because if people see it they won't like me any more. Or so I believe.

I want to be able to completely let loose, go crazy, have fun and not worry about anything. Even if only for 5 minutes.

I need to be free from my self-imposed jail.
I need to figure out who I am under everything, and let my self be that person.

I want to be more comfortable with people.
I want to be able to actually talk to people, ask them how they are doing, and really be able to listen. Not just to what they're saying but to what they're NOT saying.

I want to be famous. I think it's because I crave love and attention, and I keep telling myself I can deal with the critics, but I don't know if I'm strong enough.
I want to be a really good actress.
I want to win an Oscar. Or two.

I want to make a living doing something I love.
I want to marry someone who has a good job that he likes, if not loves, that doesn't take up ALL his time.

I want to take a food tour of the world.
I want to take a food tour of LA, trying tons of different restaurants, without having to pay for it, or having enough money to not worry about it.

I want to go to Disneyland.
I want to go to Six Flags.
I want to go to a water park.

I want to have a hobby besides watching movies and looking on IMDb.

I want to be more creative.
I want to be able to create characters that are 3-dimensional.

I want my back to not hurt right now.
I want to sleep.

I want to eat food that is Epic Bad for me.

I want someone to cook for, someone to take care of.
I want a partner.

I want to not be so focused on having another person in my life.
I need to depend more on God.
I need to not take God for granted.
I need to look for Him.
I need to be more concerned with what He thinks, and less concerned with what people think.

I need to be content.
I need to be satisfied.

I want to get away from everything, leave the city.
I need a vacation. In Bali, or some other exotic place.
I want to learn to farm. I want to have an Ice Cream farm, and raise dairy cows and chickens. Grow strawberries, blueberries, and peppermint. And bees.
I want to start my own food label that is entirely unprocessed and organic goodies.

I want to not owe money on my credit card. It makes me nervous to owe more than I can pay.
I don't want to eat only lentils and beans and rice for the next 2 months.

I want corporation to not have so much control over the American Public.
I want government officials to make a reasonable amount of money, and only for the time they're in office.
I want Public Healthcare to be more intelligent.
I want our health system to be more focused on prevention, and be able to focus less on cures.
I want people to stop polluting and damaging this planet and poisoning each other.

I want people stop feeling so entitled all the time.

I want more courage.
I want to fear things less.
I want to stop.


The ice cream experiment


I have recently become OBSESSED with making ice cream. I love ice cream, but ever since I started this no refined sugar/flour thing, I haven't been able to partake.

So, as a result, I have recently fallen in love with the idea of making my own ice cream.

Costco sells ice cream makers, and I managed to stumble across it when they were actually having a sale. So I picked up my ice cream maker for a mere $24. Plus tax.

Since getting it I have started experimenting.

My first experiment was a blackberry honey vanilla frozen Greek yogurt. That one was very nearly a complete disaster because I didn't realize that the ice cream maker needed to be running before I put anything into it. It was a tasty mess though. I just plopped some greek yogurt into the thing with some milk and honey, and then mashed the juice out of a LOT of blackberries.

The next experiment was an attempt at a coconut vanilla custard. Again, mistakes: I tried to put the custard into the ice cream maker while it was still hot, and it never really froze, and then I think I overlooked it a little, and the eggs scrambled. Still, though, very tasty.

Most recently I have discovered the beauty of watermelon sorbet. I still haven't figured out why it's not freezing well, but I just don't care at this point, it's sooooo delicious. This time all it is is watermelon juice, basil juice (just a tablespoon or so), and a can of coconut milk. The first time I made it, it never really froze (although I never stuck it in the freezer to harden), and wound up more like a milkshake than ice cream. The second time, today, it is sitting faithfully in the freezer, attempting to solidify. I also added a bit of honey to it today, which I didn't do last week. But it is sooo good.

Today is a day of multiple experiments, because I decided to make a lemon-basil ice cream, also. That one won't go into the ice cream maker until tomorrow, but I made the custard today, cooking lemon juice, eggs and heavy cream with honey. Once it cools completely, I'll add some milk and basil juice, and then put it in the ice cream maker.

I tasted the custard and it is completely awesome. I'm so excited.

I can finally eat ice cream again!!!


Why do I do this to myself?

I have a crush. And every time I do, I always do this to myself. I start by think it's a completely possible relationship, and I suppose that's completely healthy, unless of course I'm crushing on a celebrity of some sort.

From there, it completely deteriorates. I start attributing all these wonderful habits and qualities to the guy that I have no idea if thy even exist. I fantasize and entirely idealize him and then wave away any hint of flaws.

Then of course, in my head anyway, I've made him far too perfect to want to be with someone as deeply flawed as myself. And it all spirals down from there.

The stages all take varying amounts of time, sometimes only a few hours, sometimes as much as a few weeks or months even. In the past week, I have gone through the entire cycle, clarifying these stages for me and clearly defining each one. This week, it wasn't a slow transition, but more of an abrupt change from one to the next.

I think it's kinda awesome that God is totally clarifying it for me, showing me where I'm stumbling.

The good news is that I think I actually like this guy. Granted, I really don't know him very well. (If I did, I wouldn't be giving him all these impossible traits.)

So here's my plan: get to know him a LOT better. See what his flaws and strengths actually are, rather than making them up as I go along in order to fit the fantasy I have in my head.

I feel like that might be a positive, realistic, intelligent way to deal with my self-torture.



Wow. I have to say I'm impressed. I've stopped eating anything processed, and I've lost 4 pounds since the beginning of March. To me, that's crazy!!  I still eat honey, and potatoes, and maple syrup, and other things that are "bad" for you, only to find out that they're actually really good for you. I don't eat most fast food anymore (although I totally had a protein-style cheeseburger last week - no ketchup though!), I don't eat processed sugar or white flour. I'm eating only the foods that God created for food, and I'm eating them as close as possible to their original form. Hence: whole wheat, unprocessed sugars, lots of fruits and veggies, cheese, dairy (I still don't know where to buy raw milk, so I'm just buying pasteurized, but un-homogenized, whole milk - the kind with the cream on top), meats, fish (but no shellfish) and lots of beans.

I'm amazed by the fact that I am still eating bread (usually Ezekiel Bread) spread with plenty of butter. I eat mashed potatoes made with cream or sweet potatoes with cinnamon and butter. I eat steak with horseradish, and salads with cheese. I can eat pretty much whatever I want, as long as it's in it's original form.

I feel amazing. I don't need coffee, and my sweet tooth is easily satisfied by a piece of fruit (we bought a watermelon at Costco the other day and just cut into it - sooo good).

I'm not saying it's not hard. You really have to read the labels, and snack food are the worst. Potato chip these days have sugar in them. The 'Baked' Lays, which are supposed to be healthier, are waaaay worse than a standard chip. Sugar and flour are sneaky- they hide in everything, and they're not always clearly labelled. Sucrose, evaporated cane juice, corn syrup, brown rice syrup, and others all hide the processed sugars found in products these days. Flour is pretty easy to spot, but you have to watch out for when it just says "flour" or "wheat flour." I only buy products that are 100% whole grain, which means that the ingredients have to say "whole wheat flour."

Pretty cool, huh?

Question of the Day: Ok, so today isn't really a question, so much as a challenge. I dare you to look at the ingredients of everything you eat today. Look at what goes into each item before you eat. Then, if you don't know exactly what it is, don't eat it. Get informed!


Once again, I find myself battling depression. I really don't want to sit down and talk about it. I don't want to think about what I'm feeling.  All I know if that I'm finding it harder and harder to control my emotions. I'm finding it much harder to bottle up and push down the pain that I'm feeling.  I don't want to do anything, and the fact that I'm not really working a whole lot is depriving me of a necessary distraction.  I like going to work and not having to think about the pain that's inside me.

I know, I don't really have a lot to be hurt by. I have had an easy life in all reality.

But that doesn't seem to matter. It still hurts.

I feel like I'm drowning in loneliness. I don't know how to reach out to other, I don't know how to form real relationships. And it hurts.

I constantly feel like a failure.

Question of the Day: none today.


Starting something new

I think I just decided to make a documentary.

I'm not sure how to start, so of anyone knows anyone who can help me, please point them towards me.

It's going to be food-based, but from a faith perspective. I don't really know much more than that, and I'll probably post clips as I start.

This certainly wasn't something I planned on doing, but I'm feeling a growing passion for the way we look at and use food.

That's all I got for now.

QOTD: what was the last organic thing you ate?



I have a new favorite TV show.

I love Dr. Who, but there's no more for me to watch right now. Lost was a great show, but it's over. I like The Voice, but it's hard to get really addicted to a competition show (especially when a couple of my favorites have already been eliminated). I really like Smash, but I don't really like watching shows that are still airing (I don't like waiting a week between viewings).

But a couple weeks ago, I was browsing Netflix looking for something to watch. I normally don't watch things that are still airing because I don't like waiting for new episodes. I stumbled across a show called Supernatural.  OMG! I was addicted from episode one. I'd seen the first episode before, and hadn't even realized it. And it's so good! I'm partially wishing I hadn't started watching it because it is still airing. I've been watching it so much, that I just started watching Season 4 on Monday.  I had to take a break from it yesterday because I needed to get some housework done, so I put on The Voice, which I could just listen to.

But I love this show. It's all about these 2 brothers who hunt demons and ghosts and other things that go bump in the night. But it's season 4 now, and somebody just got dragged out of Hell by an Angel.  Yeah, an Angel. As in part of God's Armies. It's pretty freakin' awesome. The show actually acknowledges the existence of God, and raises some of the questions that people have. I'm not going to get into it, because I only just started this season, and all I really want to do is have yet another marathon and watch the entire season today.

Question of the Day: What's your current favorite show?


Monkey balls

Ok, I tried these today and they are super delicious. They are very easy, and totally breakfast food!! I think if I make them again, I will add some more protein, like whey or soy protein, but then again that stuff might be too processed for my current way of eating. I did add about a tablespoon of honey to the mix.

Skinny Monkey Cookies
Jimmie @ Onceamonthmom.com
3 bananas
2 cups old-fashioned oats
1/4 cup creamy peanut butter
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/3 cup unsweetened applesauce
1 tsp. vanilla extract
Dash of cinnamon (optional)
Preheat oven to 350°F. Mash bananas in a large bowl, then stir in remaining ingredients. Let batter stand for approximately 20 minutes, then drop by teaspoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheet. Sprinkle with cinnamon if desired. Bake 10-12 minutes.
Freezing Directions:
Cool completely, then place cookies in a freezer bag. Seal, label, and freeze.
Nutritional Information:
47 calories; 7.5 g carbs; 1.6 g fat; 1.5 g protein; 1.3 g fiber; 1 WW PointsPlus



I find myself faced with a decision about my acting career. In the next week, I need to figure out if I can afford to or not to join AFTRA.  There's a really strong chance that the two actors unions are going to merge. Everyone I talk to say it's all but a done deal.  So I have a once-in-a-lifetime chance to join SAG without having to get vouchers, without having to qualify.

Ok, lemme back this up a minute.Right now there are two actors unions (actually there are a few more than that, but only 2 really affect film and television), SAG and AFTRA. The two unions are operated a bit differently. SAG is primarily Film, while AFTRA seems to be taking over TV. AFTRA you can just join. A farmer in the middle of Iowa with zero experience or even interest could join if he wanted to pay the $1600 (ish) registration. SAG, on the other hand, you have to qualify for. You have to get 3 vouchers or a lead role in a SAG production. And vouchers are not easy to get; everyone seems to want them. Plus, you have to pay $2400 (ish) when you do qualify.

So right now all the members of the 2 unions are voting. Ballots are due back by the 30th, I think, and the vote will be counted on the 31st. Once they have a final tally, if the votes are in favor, it's a done deal. There's no extra time for people to join last minute, there's no ramping up, it's just done. They'll still have to figure out logistics and all that, but there's no more open door.

So, all that said. I need to figure out if I'm joining this piece now, or waiting until I qualify. I know I have to join sooner or later, as this is what I want to do. I want to act, be on screen, tell stories, become other characters. And I know I will have to join the union at some point.

The question is:
  • Do I spend the $1600 now? Join the union now? Save myself $1400 in the long run, but go seriously over-budget in the meantime? I don't have any savings right now, and I owe Uncle Sam a good amount of money on my taxes this year.
  • OR Do I wait? Be patient? Wait to qualify? Spend more money in the long run, but potentially be more able to afford it?
I don't really know. My instincts are pulling me in both directions: Save $1400 by joining now, and when I go back to extra work, I'll be getting paid a lot more, and trust God to get me the work to pay my bills. OR Save $1600 now, trust God to put me in the right place to do it later.

I know if I don't join, I will regret it, but I don't know if I'll regret it if I do join. There is a potential problem if I join too early. I could maybe lose work because I'm union and there's still some non-union work I can do. Although, I could go fi-core (lose my voting rights, but be able to work whatever I want).

It's a hard choice, and I only have about 6 days.  I have to join by the 29th just to be on the safe side.

Question of the Day: What's your opinion?


Thank you!

Ok, so my blog isn't 100% back to normal, BUT one of my fabulous readers was able to retrieve a good handful of my old posts.  Thank you very much to him (I'm assuming it's a guy, but he keeps posting anonymously, which honestly, is a little annoying.)  I've got a good hunch it's a guy named Paul that I met briefly a couple of years ago when I did a talk, as a photographer, to a group of actors in Florida about headshots.  I think he's also the one sending me anonymous gifts for Christmas and my birthday, but I can't be sure. He's not denying it, but he's also not confirming it.

I have to say that whoever helped me out today considerably brightened my mood. Part of me wanted to post and whine and complain about how annoyed I am that I lost so many of my posts. But then part of me got stubborn and refused to post at all. So now, I'm not as annoyed because I didn't lose everything (just a LOT), and there's still a chance that someone has a post or two in their cache. If I was at home, on my personal computer, a Mac, I could probably retrieve more than one or two, but unfortunately, I haven't really worked on my blog at home for a very long time (at least since November, and even then, I think I posted that from my cell phone).

Part of me wants to try and re-create those posts, and I know a couple of them cross-posted to Facebook, but that's just so much work.

I give up. It doesn't matter.

Although, I will be OVERJOYED if someone comes across a few more posts hiding somewhere.

Question of the Day: Do you have any in your cache or RSS feeds?

repost: multiple partials

Links I Love

by D.
So, as I sit here, doing very little in all reality, I spend my time surfing the web. Looking up things that randomly pop into my head. Unfortunately, Facebook is blocked (although mot all the time), as are most games, so my usual distractions are out of the question. Plus, I don't have sound, so I can't sit on YouTube or Netflix all day.

by D.
Recently, I've been going through an incredibly hard time emotionally. I know a couple of the triggers, but honestly, it goes much further back, much deeper than that. I'm learning that as much pain as I have, I still have a lot to be grateful for. In my current state of mind, all I want to do is distract myself from the pain by playing games on my phone or watching TV. I know that's not entirely



I am a complete and utter idiot.

 I was trying to edit my blog, going through the old posts, getting rid of stuff that had never been published. One of my co-workers (I guess that's what you'd call him he actually works here whereas I am only a receptionist, and just a temp) came over and started chatting with me. Great. I was happy for the distraction, except I didn't really stop what I was doing. Of course when I deleted the first couple of drafts, the page apparently refreshed, and went to the "ALL" page, as opposed to the "DRAFTS" page. So when I hit delete a second time, and then a third and fourth, it was deleting all my current, published, recent blog posts. So all the blogs I posted in the last 5 years? Gone. And unless someone happened to save them, or still has them published to the blog feed, or in their history, they are entirely gone. There's nothing I can do.

Suffice to say, I'm panicking. It's like losing a child or a pet, because I've been working on this blog for SOO long. It actually hurts to see such a large chunk of it suddenly disappear.

So, this is me asking for help from you, dear readers. If any of you have any of my former blog posts saved, for whatever reason, I would appreciate it if you posted them in the comments section. If you can check your history, your RSS reader, your e-mail (if you subscribe to the posts) I would be really grateful.

Right now I'm just a little sad, a little angry, and a little stressed.

Question of the Day: Do you have ANYTHING saved?


Repost: Dear Brad Pitt

Dear Brad Pitt...
Posted by D. at 5:37 AM
Dear Brad Pitt,

I just woke up from the strangest dream about you. Don't worry, I think this might be the first one.

I was walking through an airport, the same one that's always in my dreams, it looks a bit like Dulles, a bit like Newark and a lot like San Francisco. You came up to me and stuck out your elbow and we walked together, arm in arm, through the airport just talking. Like the best of friends. I was surprised to see you there, especially since you were alone, although apparently your daughter was in the bathroom (in the dream you only had 2 daughters, and she was the youngest). We walked and talked.

You were going to a bunch of different places, but the two I remember after waking up were Panama City and Bolivia. Some kind of humanitarian thing.

After we said goodbye, I realized that this was normal for you. You never seem to age. Something about you is eternally boy-ish. But your eyes speak different stories. You have the eyes of someone who has seen more than he wants to, more than he should. I realized something in the dream, and upon waking I knew it was true: I never see you smile anymore. At least not unless you're acting. You walk the red carpet with your beautiful partner and I never see you smile.

I can tell you're getting tired of the indulgence, tired of the superficiality, tired of people making assumptions about you.

I know you will never read this. Why would you? But I wanted to put it out there that I'm praying for you. For all of Hollywood, but you specifically.

I don't know why, but I feel compelled to.

I wish you luck, I wish you joy, and I pray God the Father of us all brings you comfort and a relationship with Him.

Good luck,


repost: In Search of Good Food

In Search of Good Food
Posted by D. at 9:54 AM
Ok, ok, I know!

I haven't updated my blog in a really long time. I'm not going to sit here and explain why, except to say that honestly, I really don't like journaling and I don't think very many people actually read this thing, but whatever!

I have recently been getting really into thinking about what I eat. I'm not eating my emotions as much, although I still spend lots of time thinking about food. It's really important to really think about what you put into your body.

You wouldn't drink formaldehyde, would you? And yet it's found in a lot of our food products.

How about a nice cold glass of pesticides? No?

Wouldn't you love some ammonia gravy over your chicken?


But that's what you're eating and drinking. Conventionally grown meats, vegetables, fruits, and processed foods contain all sorts of chemical additives that would probably kill you if consumed alone.

Go watch Food, Inc.

Go on, I'll wait...


Ok, so this past month I started a fast that was supposed to be temporary. I was only doing it for the Month of March (with 2 exceptions because my birthday is this month, but it falls on a Monday, so my party is Saturday).

The fast was this:
1. No white flour. This was REALLY hard. This means no cake, pie, bread, fried foods, or other goodies unless it's made with 100% whole grains. I found a bread that I really like, it's an organic Omega-3 bread (has seeds added to it) and I can get it at Costco, which I love. Although it does contain some white flour, it is Organic White flour, and it's not the first ingredient listed. So, while it's not perfect, until I start making my own bread, it'll have to do.
2. No white sugar or artificial sweeteners. This was easier and harder than I thought it would be. I've gone sugar-free for a fast before, so avoiding all sugar is very simple, until you realize that sugar pops up in all different forms all over the place: Prego spaghetti sauce, Baked Lays, even the 'Original' Coffeemate (you know, the one that's not sweetened?) all have sugar listed on the ingredients. This also means the obvious: no soda, cookies, candy, cake (except for my birthday), and chocolate. However I AM still eating sweeteners, in moderation, but only 100% natural, unprocessed ones; i.e. honey & maple syrup.
3. No pork or shellfish. This one is not so obvious off the bat, except that in the Bible, God says don't eat pigs or shellfish, so I'm not eating them. I'm not doing the kosher thing because that's rabbinical tradition, as opposed to Word of God. I'm just trying to stick to what the Word of God says.
Some of this is easier than you think. I still eat sweets, I'm just more careful of what's in them and how much I eat. I found a recipe yesterday for a honey candy that has no sugar added to it (Straight Into Bed Cakefree and Dried: Honey Toffee Lollipops). I haven't tried it yet, but you can bet that I'm going to. I need to buy a new candy thermometer first.

I'm going to try and blog about this specific topic more. About my journey through organic foods. I'll post links to articles and other information.

But seriously, go watch Food, Inc. It's on streaming on Netflix.

Question of the Day:
What can you reasonably cut out of your diet today?

Labels: adventure, article, documentary, food, movies, organic, recipe

Anonymous said...
I read every post, thank you very much. And check back periodically to see if there's anything new. So there. (and I know I'm not the only one)
Friday, March 16, 2012 1:46:00 PM

Repost: in other words....

in other words...
Posted by D. at 11:44 AM
This is a very strange position for me. I know, deep down that I am supposed to do acting and that is my long term goal. I know that, and I know that I have to pursue it. It's not something that I can idly do, on a whim, whenever my schedule allows. It's something that I have to dedicate time and effort and money to.

Right now I am temping as a receptionist at a capital investment firm of some sort,and the agency I am temping at just called to see if they could send my resume in. I said yes, but I'm not sure I'm looking for long-term work. Although on the other hand. It's steady work. I know what time I have to be up each day. I get paid the same amount every week. I have all my evenings free. I have time to cook dinner, hang with friends, plan for events, go on dates. I can sign up again for my acting class that's on Tuesday evenings. Plus, since the only things I am auditioning for right now are student projects, which generally shoot on the weekends, I can still build my reel. I can still do the work.

I don't know. I haven't been offered the job yet. They just wanted to see my resume. I'm going to try not to leap to any conclusions, especially as I don't know what's happening. It could be anything. They might just want it for their files. I did tell Wendy (the temp agency rep) that I could commit to 6 months. I think that seems reasonable, especially as I have no idea where I will be in 6 months, but this is a strange business. I could be starring in a movie, or still hustling to find Extra work.

God, please guide me through this. If you want me to stay here for 6 months, go back to class, and try to audition and work on the weekends, please make it clear! Amen.

Question of the Day: What was your first job?